Normally, what is in Tumblr stays in Tumblr (for me). This means so much to me that I've decided to post it here. Got it from www.workisnotajob.com.
Dear life, this is my list of demands. This is not a matter of discussion. This is serious stuff and it has to happen.
I want to:
create, produce, bring to life, colour, build, arrange, compose, write, visualise, write out, rearrange, sketch, make, do do do, run, breathe, be exposed to genius and surrounded by beauty. I want to learn, grow, be challenged, supported, provoked, I want intelligent conversation, exchange of thoughts, vivid communication, opinions, satori, intensity, I need to be held, loved, and inspired and I hold, love and inspire in return. This list is by no means complete, as long as I live, I'll demand.
I need to live in a world I can believe in. Since this is my life, assumingly the only life I have as this person, I am gonna work on that with every heartbeat, with every breath I take.
In my understanding, that's the point.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
So on thursday night I was grilling (invasive, impersonal interrogating with a barrage of questions seems to be my style, unfortunately) QY abt her ideal boyfriend. (i'm kinda obsessed abt bgr, ironically)
On a sidenote, I don't think there's anything wrong with having certain expectations. Having a rough idea of your standards provides a check from succumbing to lust or desperation when the slightest possibility comes.
She said 'perfect', which set alarm bells ringing in my head. I got aggressive, cos I assumed (wrongly) it's Prince Charming, who's dashing and flawless (can't blame me - 'perfect') and all, that she's looking for.
From this I learn how quick I am to make assumptions, and how self-righteous I can get.
After clarification, I realised it's nothing like that. I'm too sensitive to words, i guess.
No bad, unhealthy habits (smoking, drinking), filial piety, even-tempered, chemistry between them etc.
Which is pretty much what I want (though i'm greedier, as I will self-indulgently talk about later), too. She doesn't think there's a high likelihood of finding such a person though. Aww.
On a sidenote, I don't think there's anything wrong with having certain expectations. Having a rough idea of your standards provides a check from succumbing to lust or desperation when the slightest possibility comes.
She said 'perfect', which set alarm bells ringing in my head. I got aggressive, cos I assumed (wrongly) it's Prince Charming, who's dashing and flawless (can't blame me - 'perfect') and all, that she's looking for.
From this I learn how quick I am to make assumptions, and how self-righteous I can get.
After clarification, I realised it's nothing like that. I'm too sensitive to words, i guess.
No bad, unhealthy habits (smoking, drinking), filial piety, even-tempered, chemistry between them etc.
Which is pretty much what I want (though i'm greedier, as I will self-indulgently talk about later), too. She doesn't think there's a high likelihood of finding such a person though. Aww.
- Taste for the fine things in life. And I don't just mean luxury or things you can only get with prestige/status or money (i kinda think i'm not the luxury type myself anw). I mean seeing beauty in details in life, especially in nature. I will swoon if I see a person noticing and getting interested in toadstools that spring up after showers, or admiring wild/common plants and flowers. Not to forget skies. I think outdoors photographers are admirers of nature who fit the bill. Another aspect will be art and cultural stuff. Preferably literature (which covers film) since I'm a music moron. I wouldn't want to not be able to understand his passion, unless I can learn to do so.
- I was wondering (as i said i'm obsessed) if I could ever like an engineering/science/business guy who doesn't share the same area of interests as me. Is it narrow-minded to think they have different mentalities or ways of thinking which wouldn't be good with mine?
- Desire to make the world a better place or lives better for people, at least. (that would mean idealistic and hopeful eh) That's why I notice the red cross t-shirts xP
- (04/04/10) Tenderness (Adam in Identitas)
My first writing assignment, on infatuation:
Your voice is your most distinctive feature, radiating the warmth of a gentle sun, resembling the intriguing texture of sandpaper, ever so trustworthy. Another defining feature would be your well-honed mind. Your intellect crippled you then as a child terrified of death, but empowers you now as a young man by providing you a direction in life. Circumstances brought us together that fateful night, the extrovert with substance enlightens the introvert hungry for meaning. The way you carry yourself touches me so I harbour a part of you, unbeknownst to you, in me. I keep reaching out for this idealised version of you, pieced together with whatever I can remember from our only conversation that night, and wishing we could chat every night, without inhibitions, under the cover of darkness. In real life I try hard not to throw furtive glances your way, not to read too much meaning into your behaviour, not to think of us as conspiratorially sharing an intimate bond unbeknownst to everybody. Your tip to trust instinctively in the transition from friends to lovers now hangs like a pall over me. Maybe you have long turned the page on what was no more than a scribble in your book of life, but because of you I am at a major chapter of my life.
Got a B+ (the greedy part of me thinks I deserve better for digging my heart out, but I guess my tutor's comment about me crossing the 'thin line between drama and melodrama' makes sense.)
My assignment partner comments on the phrase 'major chapter of my life': "hey, its just an infatuation, one should not be head over heels over, besides you havent known him for a long time either." Counseling thrown into the mix :)
You could comment if any thought comes across your mind.
Your voice is your most distinctive feature, radiating the warmth of a gentle sun, resembling the intriguing texture of sandpaper, ever so trustworthy. Another defining feature would be your well-honed mind. Your intellect crippled you then as a child terrified of death, but empowers you now as a young man by providing you a direction in life. Circumstances brought us together that fateful night, the extrovert with substance enlightens the introvert hungry for meaning. The way you carry yourself touches me so I harbour a part of you, unbeknownst to you, in me. I keep reaching out for this idealised version of you, pieced together with whatever I can remember from our only conversation that night, and wishing we could chat every night, without inhibitions, under the cover of darkness. In real life I try hard not to throw furtive glances your way, not to read too much meaning into your behaviour, not to think of us as conspiratorially sharing an intimate bond unbeknownst to everybody. Your tip to trust instinctively in the transition from friends to lovers now hangs like a pall over me. Maybe you have long turned the page on what was no more than a scribble in your book of life, but because of you I am at a major chapter of my life.
Got a B+ (the greedy part of me thinks I deserve better for digging my heart out, but I guess my tutor's comment about me crossing the 'thin line between drama and melodrama' makes sense.)
My assignment partner comments on the phrase 'major chapter of my life': "hey, its just an infatuation, one should not be head over heels over, besides you havent known him for a long time either." Counseling thrown into the mix :)
You could comment if any thought comes across your mind.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My first time donating blood today.
Quite disturbingly, the person attending to me told me my vein and the needle are the same in size.
She suggests I train myself by carrying heavy stuff (huh laptop not heavy enough?) to enlarge my veins.
I should probably also gain weight till I reach 50kg again so I can donate more blood.
***
I wrote a pseudo-poem on it. I like how it led me to think about the limit before it threatens my death. It can be applied to life in general too. How much (materially) can you live without? Bare essentials, that sort of thing.
That's me -
outside of me.
Red fluid, bubbling.
I can do without.
(What else before the threshold gets crossed?)
"Needles as big as your veins" - something worth mentioning. But why, time will know.
I have a bruise to show for it.
Pity twas' only a small pack.
***
Quite disturbingly, the person attending to me told me my vein and the needle are the same in size.
She suggests I train myself by carrying heavy stuff (huh laptop not heavy enough?) to enlarge my veins.
I should probably also gain weight till I reach 50kg again so I can donate more blood.
***
I wrote a pseudo-poem on it. I like how it led me to think about the limit before it threatens my death. It can be applied to life in general too. How much (materially) can you live without? Bare essentials, that sort of thing.
That's me -
outside of me.
Red fluid, bubbling.
I can do without.
(What else before the threshold gets crossed?)
"Needles as big as your veins" - something worth mentioning. But why, time will know.
I have a bruise to show for it.
Pity twas' only a small pack.
***
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I'm doing some writing assignment (pair work! with a guy who's quite my opposite. i'm too emotional and personal while he's too prim and proper and detached. In our writings, that is) and my peer review partner/writing assignment partner alerted me to this belief that the world will end in 2012 (which, according to wikipedia, is cos 'December 2012 marks the ending of the current baktun cycle of the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar' (as if i understand what that means))
If everything really ends in 2012, I'll feel regrets cos I haven't been to Africa to see the wildlife. (wildlife photography being one of my dreams). and so on. (no time and energy to think. December, I promise!) sighs.
---
After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.
...
I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.
Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh
Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
I’m a twenty something.
Let me lie in, Leave me alone.
I’m a twenty something.
- twenty something, Jamie Cullum
I'm supposed to have studied 2 of Shakespeare's work at tertiary level. :S I need to buck up!
If everything really ends in 2012, I'll feel regrets cos I haven't been to Africa to see the wildlife. (wildlife photography being one of my dreams). and so on. (no time and energy to think. December, I promise!) sighs.
---
After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.
...
I don't want to get up, just let me lie in,
leave me alone, I'm a twenty something.
Maybe I'll just fall in love that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that’s enough,
there surely must be more. Ooooh
Love ain’t the answer nor is work,
the truth eludes me so much it hurts.
But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
doh dah duh dah, do duh dah dah dah
I’m a twenty something.
Let me lie in, Leave me alone.
I’m a twenty something.
- twenty something, Jamie Cullum
I'm supposed to have studied 2 of Shakespeare's work at tertiary level. :S I need to buck up!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
the morning sun's about to break,
i'm looking in as you create someone,
you lift your head and brush your teeth,
and make your bed as if you won't sleep again,
you fix your hair and tie your shoes,
and tuck your shirt and now you feel new.
the glass is full, the glass is broke,
and every day dissolves and there's no hope
of ever leaving this temporary life.
of ever leaving this temporary life.
you may ask yourself "is there anyone so alone?"
but there's no beep before the dial-tone
when you pick it up to see who called
if there is it's probably your mom
but, oh, the rising sun brings little cheer
to this city with the stolen name
and you're wondering whose bright idea
it was to pack your things and leave your friends
and move down here.
- hah.
i'm looking in as you create someone,
you lift your head and brush your teeth,
and make your bed as if you won't sleep again,
you fix your hair and tie your shoes,
and tuck your shirt and now you feel new.
the glass is full, the glass is broke,
and every day dissolves and there's no hope
of ever leaving this temporary life.
of ever leaving this temporary life.
you may ask yourself "is there anyone so alone?"
but there's no beep before the dial-tone
when you pick it up to see who called
if there is it's probably your mom
but, oh, the rising sun brings little cheer
to this city with the stolen name
and you're wondering whose bright idea
it was to pack your things and leave your friends
and move down here.
- hah.
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