All kinds of things (thoughts, actually) happen in lit classes (particularly the HL106 one actually. the tutor is damn stimulating. You don't get the sense he's agreeing and peppering "OK...", "That's interesting..." (as another tutor does) for the sake of it. He churns out challenging questions almost immediately and pushes you to think harder.)

I expressed my view about how self-expression through fashion for modern society is a way of projecting one's identity, but it doesn't entirely define one's identity; it's just one aspect of one's image, which in turn is part of one's identity. This opposes what Henry David Thoreau (I find myself preferring him over Emerson, q against my will, since Emerson's so big xP) proposes, that one should wear new clothes to mark a new stage of life in terms of self-development. I got snubbed by this intellectual guy (and again later hah). He makes me feel dumb, but it's for a good cause: to make me smarter.

Then there's this guy who confesses he's nihilistic (w/o knowing the term for it). I dno how that came abt, probably cos he finds Thoreau too idealistic. But I think it's funny, cos I've been through it, sort of. And my way of dealing w it is nowhere near sophisticated/philosophical/intellectual. More like practical and spiritual (particularly Buddhism).

Have I mentioned I found out Buddhism suits me becos of the poem (dubiously one) I wrote during the geog trip? Underlying it are realisations about how life is made up of moments, and they are only as connected as you want them to be, at your expense in some cases. Sth like that. This is a suddent rant. x)

Back to my bout of nihilism (yeah in my opinion it's a disease. or maybe a necessary struggle).The awareness of having to live an examined life and be aware of your purpose behind what you're doing is necessary but it doesn't have to be drowned in pessimism, hopelessness and immobility (i think there's another term, stoned?) which characterise nihilism.

The other day another lit classmate (he's the only other lit student taking history elective - my new favourite - too) professed his love for Nietszche (we were discussing Emerson, he was pointing out the similarities between them. self-reliance, self-empowerment etc). I later commented that he seems very cheerful for a nihilist. (the rate of nihilism seems q alarming within e elit cohort. maybe we're all here cos we're desperate for meaning despite what we think we think. I like that desperation.) He said something about making the most out of nihilism, which I didn't q get, cos dat defies the term, I think.

I don't think philosophy appeals to me in its rawest forms (the primary texts), though I like it a lot when someone else interprets it. I know this sort of defeats the purpose of thinking for yourself, but those philosophical texts are so inaccessible! Time, for now at least, is too short for me to try to decipher what they're saying. And I read an article on 联合早报 today. There's this lit professor who manages to convince a student to switch from studying philosophy to english literature, because he thinks she's too 多愁善感. The english term emotional doesn't do justice to that. Anw. I think that applies to me too. I'll try to be the intellectual I think I should aim to be and read philosophy in future, just not now. (to digress again, I think going by my current chinese standard, I can only appreciate c lit through the lens of e lit too: like when the two is juxtaposed together, to elicit the intricacy in each. which kind of sucks, cos i secretly prefer chinese. oh well)

But I think it's quite fulfilling for me to see how stuff within humanities (and maybe social sci) are linking up. I see 'cultural studies' as one overarching theme, am looking for more.
And the option of becoming a teacher is not so repugnant anymore (Huichi's education at NIE seems interesting, esp e film studies part), the problem lies with myself not being worthy enough.

I'm just inspired by the lively intellectual (?) atmosphere, you know.